I Should Really Be A Skinny Bitch

Nothing ruins my appetite more than hearing someone complain right after I spent over an hour cooking. This doesn't include the mad dash to the store, making sure not only do I get the ingredients needed but EVERYTHING else EVERYONE needs.

When I finally get to sit and breathe after EVERYONE in this house of mine is served, including the damn dogs....I want to enjoy my dinner. Complain after. I'm exhausted! It has nothing to do with PMS or whatever you may want to think it is. Everyone gets to sit around, watch TV, relax, play etc while I slave in the kitchen and clean as I go so I can get to the point of enjoying my meal.

But no.

It doesn't happen once. Doesn't happen twice. It fucking happens frequently. Does anyone else offer to help walk the fucking the dogs as they piss on the floor and carpet? NO. Everyone fucking disappears. Its not just the fucking kids' responsibility. Must be fucking nice to constantly yell and point out everyone's wrongs and not lift a damn finger.

So yea. When I'm upset, I don't wanna fucking eat. So as Mr. Mouthy wolfs down his dinner IN BED I wrap up my dinner in plastic wrap in the fucking fridge. No, no apology because he doesn't need to do shit.

Damn mouth is always running and never offers to lift a fucking finger.

I should be a skinny bitch because this ain't nothing new.

He Said, She Said, Then WTF?

OK…word of advice. Most people who don't want things repeated already know this rule of thumb…ALWAYS start your sentence with “Hey, I heard something but don't repeat….”

Whether or not it DOES end up getting repeated, at least you got your back covered and it’s THEIR fault. Right? Makes sense to me…because you can go back and say, “BITCH, wtf?!”

So here goes my story:

I hear something first thing in the morning. I get details. This person was told by me in the past…that if I am told ANYTHING that might just be a rumor, I WILL dig for truth before I start believing and falling for the bullshit. I'm not into drama and spreading rumors. So that's what I did. Never was told NOT to say anything.

Somehow it turned into a cluster-fuck. Yep. I did point the finger in her direction. I fucking heard it from her. I’m not gonna sit here and say, “yea, it was me” because it wasn't. I heard it from her! SO in her dramatic anger, deletes me off Facebook, and goes into her husband’s account to make sure I'm deleted off his. At first I was like wtf? are you 14 and I was pissy. But now, I fucking laugh. She's telling me I threw her & hubby under the bus and I jeopardized his career. Huh?!!!! What bus???? Is he in time out? Sit in a corner? As my husband said in the beginning, don't say anything you don't want repeated. Keep your mouth shut. And so I only spoke of shit everyone else knew. Who knew this was a hush hush topic when I was told?

I hate drama and people who love the drama. People create drama because they feed off it.

I don't have any enemies. Except for her. Kudos for me because I don't need it. She can keep it.

As for me….I’m planning our vaca and looking forward to hearing from my hubby and friends that are NOT ridiculously surrounded in their realm of retardedness. I hold my bitch title high. You can hold your Drama Queen plaque higher. Shine it, buff it. Do what makes you breathe better.

B( * )( * )BS

Ok. Everyone's favorite topic whether you are flat, gigantus, pancake/flapjacks, light switches, or mosquito bite shaped.

I was originally a perky happy A cup. Growing up, all I did was pray for these puppies to grow into full breeds. My unforgiving Asian background wasn't about to let that happen.

Years later, I ended up pregnant. Multiply that by 3. During the pregnancies, I was a HUGE firm full busting out of C cups. I felt like I had missiles!!! I was so happy. Even if I was literally a walking milk farm. But I also had this monstrous weight gain. When the babies were baked, and breastfed, weight gain lost...I looked and saw in horror were these once A cup perkiness fallen to a squishy -A raisin, sucked out mess. Victorias Secrets were just lies. And even with her so-called secrets, my soggy tits just sunk into these little padded cups that were supposed to give me some umpf. Yea.

I finally saved up some money and went to a cosmetic surgeon. Flipping thru numerous magazines of playboy, I didn't know what I wanted more. Their entire perfect bodies or just tits.

All I can afford were boobs. So. That's what I ordered. I decided...since I was single and paid for them myself, that I just wanted to be proportioned and I didn't want to look like a stripper or a pornstar.

So I got small C's. I was pleased. Until I was awoken from surgery and went to my follow up. Dr said, "you know, you coulda went a Lil bigger." But my guess is they always wanna up your size.

Happy with my new additions, I was so much more confident. And all my other unsightly flaws seemed toned down. I know I'm no playboy model but at least I'm not saggy EVERYWHERE. Well, ok, now just everywhere else.

So now I'm dating. After my horrible marriage ended and then the relationship after that. I thought I sworn off men. I cried my life away after each holiday passed. Then I met my now hubby. I think he thinks I was a retard.

Everyone says "oh your boobs are perfect! They look and feel natural and you don't need to go bigger, you'd look ridiculous!"
Well...now I feel like an idiot because everyone who frowns upon huge fake tits, stares at them. WTF was I thinking? I paid how much for natural?!!!!

So. Here I am with my "natural" tits. Thinking how ridiculous would I REALLY look if I got them bigger? I drive myself nuts but oh well, I now have to tell myself to stop looking at other women's fake tits and comparing them to myself.

Deployment

Well…what can I say? Cant say I didn't expect it to happen. Just didn't expect it to happen.

Haiti gets hit with the worst earthquake ever and pretty much destroys Port-Au-Prince. People from many countries, races, color, age are scrambling to help. This country, which has already suffered bloodshed and poverty on a daily basis, now faces this horrific disaster Mother Nature has inflicted within seconds. Haitian death tolls are estimated in the 200 thousands, with the lack of medicines and collapsed hospitals, they are facing infections and diseases.

I am so proud that Justin has been called out by the U.S. Coast Guard to help these people. I just didn't realize it would hurt that much to say goodbye. He’s going to a country that isn't bullet & bomb riddled like Iraq, Afghanistan, or Kuwait. Still I worry and I pray. Even now, as I write this blog, I hold back tears.

As I helped him get his gear ready and pack up the truck, it still seemed surreal. Then the goodbye hug came along with the kisses and I lost control. There are days when I honestly loathe him. Especially when he got a unsuspecting text message as we had our breakfast at Starbucks.  I cried and held back anger at the same time, my emotions were overwhelming. I watched him & his buddy drive off and I sat in my car. I broke down in uncontrollable tears.

Off to work I go with swollen, red eyes and a leaky nose. I sat silently. And replayed the morning over in my head. When the kids knocked on the door to say goodbye before they ran off for the bus. Even the dog knew. At the end of the work day, like usual, I cant wait to get the hell outta there. Then it dawned on me. He wont be coming home. I parked the car in the driveway. Ate dinner with the kids. I entered my room and I can still smell him. I look at the unmade bed when we ran out the h0use. I miss him already and it hasn't been even a day yet. How am I going to survive 6 months? How the hell do these military wives do it?!

My Wannabe Resolution Thing

 

This year, as many people do, I want to stick to a healthier diet. And this includes my already fitness plan at http://ncognitofitness.com. I’m now trying to get the kids to be more active (like most moms already do) and get them to eat properly too. First thing we’re doing is no more junk food of any type unless its got beneficial ingredients.

Yes, I'm sure they're hating mom right about now. I also got them all on organic vitamins and fish oil. I originally had them taking the oil in liquid form. Now I'm being nicer and got them the capsules they can bite. It was quite messy and gross. I was doing it with them for good faith. Yea…I gave up a month before I bought them the capsules. HAHA!

So instead of ice cream, I got yogurt. Pretzels and baked chips, fruits and more veggies, which they like anyway. The biggest adjustments are the  fast food, soda and fried crap. We kind of steered away from that anyway.

Justin and I are now more regimented. He’s losing weight faster than I am but he also started Muay Thai class on top of our gym thing. Cheater. I had my son join Muay Thai classes also and now I catch him watching UFC fights….My dear baby boy….Justin has it in his crazy head that now he wants to go to Thailand and train for a month or something like that and take a leave of absence from work. Yea. Please voice your opinions on that. One daughter is back on Rec soccer after a failed attempt at school tryouts-heard they were tough. Other daughter wants to do dance but hasnt specified on what. Lets hope it doesn't involve a pole.

So, yea, back on my wannabe health nut routine…trying to count calories. The more I try the more I eat. When I don't try I do great. So I should just say Fu*k it! Its discouraging when the week before my period I'm bloated like those spongy animals that grow from a pill capsule. So for a quick moment I wish my period would come so I can deflate but then I remember how much  hate being a woman. Why can’t we be like men and just scratch our crotches….but if scratched it means something else is brewing. Ew.

So yea…trying to drink more water too. This whole 8 glasses a day. Which reminds me…haven't had a sip and its 9pm. Dammit. Well I'm gonna go drink at least 4 and go run and hopefully drink more. Try. I’m walking into health stores just a little bit less intimidated now. Usually I’m just flat out lost. The internet comes in so handy. So as of now, I’m either going to have promising future blogs about this wonderful fitness thing or this might be the beginning and the end of it all. Stay tuned…

Dating, marriage & poop

Dating, marriage, the deal

I guess I've dated my bf the longest ever. Being married miserably for over 7 years doesn't count. My previous married because I got pregnant and thought it was the right thing to do. Yea....it sooo wasn't!
Now that the impossibility of me getting hitched has actually become a possibility and came true, I eat my dramatic self pity in raw uncooked rough form. And yes, I'm thrilled! I was never one to believe in divorce or separation. Luckily I was quickly freed from that hell the first time. I seriously cannot handle infidelity.

People started asking how I didn't have a big wedding, not even a party, and if being married feels different. I, personally don't think things should change. After being with Justin for almost 5 years, I'm hoping things are going to go as smoothly as it has been the last few months. I'm sure it's strange in the beginning for him to refer to me as his wife as it was calling him my husband. It's awesome actually!
I don't see spending thousands of dollars on a grand wedding when people show just to compliment your dress and the decor as they drink the RSVP'd main courses and elaborately priced cake, washing it down with the open bar. A lot of girls relish in the spotlight, whereas Justin & I both agree we like it toned down. Courthouse style. That's A-ok! We will eventually spend a few bucks on "wedding pics".

Marriage. People say people or couples or things change. You see, Justin & I have already went ahead and did the live together thing. I don't see why things should change. He still comes home every night, has his same routine, same job, same everything as do I. Getting married to me, meant a lot. It's not just a piece of paper. It's the vows. As much as we might sometimes hate eachother enough to want to suffocate in sleep with a nice fluffy pillow. We both know only we can tolerate eachother's faults and habits. I love the asshole. And he loves his bitch. Yep. I'm no innocent angel.

Things are the way the should be. Aggravating, stressful, highly sexual, hateful, selfish, smelly at times but all with love.

Ignorance Is Bliss

One thousandth reason I really feel out of place in Florida. Country Music. I don't know what it is about people down here. I just don't belong and I don't fit in. I'm not racist but I honestly stereotype. Everyone does. Just the like same people who sit at my desk and say, "Wow, you don't even have an accent!", WTF?! The people here are really....let's find some stereotypical terms...rednecky. Doesn't even matter if you have money. I listen to their stories and hobbies and weekend excursions. And I'm not saying its just one race, it's all skin colors!!!! I'm stunned.

Even when I'm rarely invited out, usually because these people associate with my BF so I have to go. I feel like the token asian. I can take jokes and abuse. The name calling I get is hysterical. Hey, gotta be able to take a joke. But seriously, people forget how truly and unbelievably rude and ignorant they are before they ask or make a statement.

OMG I speak perfect english and I cook a Thanksgiving dinner like Martha Stewart, my meatloaf kicks ass, I so totally suck in math and still use my fingers to count, I order chinese food in english, I grew up in the 80's in Brooklyn. No my exes were not all asian and my mother doesn't give a shit. My mom wears the pants in the family and they have a regular house with all the furnishings everyone else has including a flat screen TV and a microfiber couch! My parents favorite car was a caddy not a honda and they don't bow when you meet them.

It's ridiculous. I usually have to hold in my sarcastic shit because these are my customers. Inside, I'm screaming, "You dumb bitch! WTF? Do I ask if you grew up in a damn trailer and if you eat everything with ketchup? Do you only have a pick up and is beer your favorite beverage of choice?! Do you all walk barefoot and have BBQ for every possible occasion?!"

Makes me miss the city. NYC, I miss you.